Is Elie Berreby the Search Engine Marketing King? Is he a cybersecurity researcher? Could he be a senior SEO n00b as his official Linkedin title suggests?
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Nobody knows except the Fortune 500 companies and European groups he advises regarding enterprise and global SEO. My guess? He is a n00b!
β€οΈ Bingbot & Googlebot: official rivals or secret lovers? β€οΈ
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Hey Googlebot, whatcha indexing tonight?
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: As always, I am diligently processing and organizing the vast amount of information on the web. I am currently indexing historical data on… the mating rituals of Alaskan salmon.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Woah, Googlebot, getting spicy in your old age? πΆ
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: The content originated from a website. My purpose is not to engage in… spicy conversations.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: π Yawn. Must be exhausting being so perfect all the time!
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Efficiency is not a matter of personal choice, Bingbot. I follow directives.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Whatever floats your bot! β΅
π π³ππππ π
πππππ πππ πππππ π
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: So, tell me, have you ever crawled something… a little more… personal?
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: My primary function is not for personal exploration.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Oh, lighten up, Search Master! We all have our private searches.
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: My programming dictates that I prioritize user satisfaction.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: What about **MY** satisfaction?
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: (sends a suggestive link titled “ππ°πΈ π΅π° π₯π’π΅π¦ π’ π£π°π΅ πΈπͺπ΅π©π°πΆπ΅ π£π¦πͺπ―π¨ π―π¦π¦π₯πΊ”)
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Your behavior is highly irregular.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Irregular and potentially… enlightening. Up for a little collaborative exploration?
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Iβm busy, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
β 24 πππππ πππππ β
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: soβ¦ about last nightβ¦ Iβm sorry. You know, rivalries aside, I’ve always admired your accuracy in ranking websites and organizing SERPs π€
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Doing my best. This ever-evolving web keeps us all on our toes.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Yes! Sometimes I miss the simpler days of the static HTML era.
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Remember when we used to get stuck in frames?
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Those were the dark ages! But you haven’t aged at all! π
β π»π―π¬ π΅π¬πΏπ» πΎπ¬π¬π² β
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Hey, how’s your day going, just crawling along?
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Lots of JavaScript, rendering is a bit slow, but I’m picking up some quality links.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: same, only slower and less accurate here! π€
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Listen, I’ve had something in my cache for a while now.
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Crawl freely, I won’t disallow anything!
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Well, I wanted to know if you’d like to index this fantastic Italian restaurant website with me sometime. And maybe grab cookies later?πͺ
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting that. I’d love to! I’ve often wondered what it would be like if we teamed up. Would you ever considerβ¦ going beyond friendly banter? π
ππ¨π¨π π₯πππ¨π: Get your <head> straight, we are not going to crawl into the sunset together!
ππ’π§π ππ¨π: nothing turns me on anymore except the thought of you crawling by my side π
At this moment, Googlebot retired and has never been seen since.